What I wish i could tell myself one year ago

Dear 32-year-old Christine,

Today is your 33rd birthday and in one year, so much has happened. I know you were really looking forward to 32 and the truth is, you still should. It’s going to be a big year for you in ways you don’t expect. You’re going to be challenged with your mental, physical, and emotional health. It’s going to be dark, you’re going to be scared, but you’re going to be okay.

32 is going to start with a huge lesson in privilege. You’ve been sheltered and ignorant for so long, it’s past time you work on this. You’ll soon start seeing the world through a different lens. One that makes you examine daily interactions and your belief system. You have so much to relearn and it’s not something you can shy away from, but I know you don’t want to. You’ll attend your first march, and then a few more and you’ll see the power. You are part of the problem so accept that and learn to do better. It’s going to be a big lesson that we will continue learning together.

By seeing the world so differently, you will start to lose faith in humanity. It’ll be hard because you love to look on the bright side of things. There will be a lot of ugliness, hate, and sadness in the world. The weight of it all will teach you so much about yourself. It’s going to be devastating for a while, the depression and anxiety will be more than you’ve ever experienced before. Luckily, you have a fantastic support system in place. Your friends, family, and husband are going to be there for you in some of your darkest times. Most importantly though, you will be there for yourself.

The mental health journey you’re about to embark on is going to be challenging. You won’t recognize yourself and you will be terrified. Know this though, future you is going to be so thankful. This dark period will give you the tools that will be instrumental in facing an even bigger challenge.

The health scare you’re going to face will only last a few weeks, but it will feel like a lifetime. I’m sorry you’ll have to go through it at all, nobody should have to. Your results are the best we could ask for but don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t feel relief right away. It was terrifying but it was also eye-opening and you’ll appreciate your body more. You’ll also be in awe of the women you meet during this time. Their stories, courage, and power will humble and inspire you. Badass won’t even begin to cover it.

You’re also going to embark on not one, but two new jobs. The path you were once on will change rather quickly and I know you hate change. That’s okay, we now know that nothing is permanent. Once the dust settles though, you’re going to have some clarity. You’ll feel appreciated and wanted by a team of people that you only ever dreamed of working with. We’re going to learn so much.

At the end of your 32nd year, you will have helped so many animals. The updates you’ll get from adopters and fosters will make the harder moments worth it. Your heart will break but it’s not broken. There will be too many highlights to count and too many wins to keep track of.

Younger Christine, this is all to say that I’m proud of you. 32 wasn’t what you hoped it would be. Far from it. But it also was everything you needed. You’ve grown so much over the last year. You are stronger now in every aspect. That’s not to say things are easier these days, but you handle them better. You’ve become friends with your anxiety, co-workers with your depression, and a soulmate to yourself.

Cheers to 33 years Christine, can’t wait to see what’s in store.

xoxo,

Christine

THE RESCUES:

Boss – This senior pittie came to Anti-Cruelty where I got to spend a good amount of time with him. I loved him so much and I’m so excited to share that Chi-Town Pitties pulled him last week. He is now in a foster home and will be available for adoption soon!

Tank – This boy has been adopted from Anti-Cruelty Society but if you’re looking for another brindle cutie, check out Stanley!

THE STYLE:

This dress is from ASOS and I’ve been wearing it on repeat since I bought it! Shoes are, you guessed it, Bhava.

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